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From the Back Porch

Humor and other thoughts, including life with children, and life in general.

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The First Boy I Loved
I saved my allowance money to buy him special gifts for Christmas. I got him cool things that I thought he would appreciate. Once it was a rubber chicken; another time it was plastic vomit. more
The Woods Were Alive With Bogey
~ This column was written in 2011. It seems a fitting eulogy after writing about Vinny in our last newsletter ~
When I tried to catalogue what it was that I loved about him, I found that I couldn’t name it exactly, but I began to summon him in my heart from across the unnamed worlds of the universe. An uncanny mood emanated from the woods, and I noticed that the trees were the same color as Bogey. more
Missing Vinny
So, we are grieving. I am experiencing the grieving process as a hungry gnaw emanating from my cat heart gland. There is something innately comforting about cat presence. To paraphrase something Joni Mitchell once said, “cats are the heartbeat of the house”. more
Thoughts on a Winter Evening
While walking at twilight one evening, I heard a large congregation of birds in the trees beyond some railroad tracks. They were far away, high in the bare trees against the night sky. more
Sunday Mornings with Fen
I’m awake and I enter the kitchen, which is lit by a small table lamp. My father is wearing a red plaid bathrobe, seated at the table with his legs crossed, the top leg bobbing up and down as it does, sticking out, white skinned and sparse-haired. He has a cup of coffee within reach, the newspaper is unfolded across his lap and part of the table, and one hand holds a bowl of cereal. more
Bathed in God’s Love
A Visit to Psychic Medium, Kat Logan
What a lovely woman! The feeling of kindness and sincerity was palpable. We entered the house, which was beautifully arranged with art, plants, musical instruments and a wholesome feeling of care and calm. Tears came to my eyes almost immediately because I felt such a loving and accepting spiritual atmosphere. more
Grandma's Beauty Shop
There were gigantic hairdryers that made the ladies look like subjects of brain experiments. Their heads, imbedded with goo, curlers and plastic bags, were tucked beneath the armadillo underbellies of the roaring dryers. more
Reunion with Moose
Most fascinating of all was Debbie’s mom, Betty, who was also known as Moose. Now why, you might wonder, would a woman be called Moose? The name “Moose” seems like a nickname for a big strong man -- but Moose was an elegant woman of Greek heritage, with dark eyes and hair, a nice figure and a fabulous sense of humor. more
Hair Loss and World Peace
Empty spools in male heads then begin to knock together causing mild disorders in male brains. The subtle yet continuous impact of the knocking spools creates escalating irritation that causes some males to exhibit more aggressive behavior than others. This may happen because of spool size. Some men assume that their spool sizes are bigger than other men’s. more
My Alarm Clocks
Oh, the night, the night. What a wondrous place it can be. Snuggly poo under the covers. Comfy, cozy sleep. Comfy pillow, snuggle snuggle. Suddenly, a loud retching scream! Another one! I am awake and I dash to the hallway, imagining that one of my children is puking from their bed. Dazed and confused, I call out, "Who is that? Are you all right? more
Let Them Eat Chicken Soup
My sixteen year old son came home from school three days ago and announced, “I can’t breathe.” He pointed to his schnoz. Actually, what he said was more like, “I cad breave. I hab a code in by doze.” more
Iris and the Twenty-One Duck Salute
My mother’s birthday was Sunday, August 9th. This year, she would have been eighty-seven years old. The last time I celebrated my mother’s birthday with her, I was fourteen years old. After that, I was either away in California, or Europe or other places every August, until she died in 1983 when I was twenty-seven. This year made 40 years since I had celebrated her birthday with her. more
Insomnia
It is a night like any other. I climb the steep staircase to the narrow hallway and enter our bedroom. I set my cup of Sleepytime tea with honey on the end table next to the bed. I begin to read The Body in the Library, a Miss Marple mystery by Agatha Christie. more
The Fryeburg Fair
There were pens and pens of sheep that stretched their necks toward us as we passed. Peter and I found that the more we rubbed their woolly heads and spoke to them, the more responsive they became. After scratching and rubbing two hundred or so sheep around the ears and horns, and looking into their eyes, both Peter and I became profoundly uplifted by the palpable love we exchanged with them. more
Taking the Dog for a Swim
We have a yellow lab who loves to swim. About once a week we try to take her swimming at a lake or river near the house. We say, “Bye, bye in the car?” And she cocks her head and begins to cry excitedly, trotting back and forth in eager anticipation. more
My Loyal Friend
One of my best friends died this week. He was very quiet and small. He weighed thirty pounds. His name was Bogey. He was my dog. Rather than dwelling on the question as to whether dogs have spirits and if they do indeed go to heaven, as the movie suggested, I want to talk about friendship. more
Pondering the Roles of Mothers and Daughters
I am reading the book, Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. It is a vividly written narrative about women in China in the 1800s. As a western person, I am perplexed by Confucian society. I  wonder about the actual nuts and bolts process of how Confucian thought was implemented and adopted into daily life. more
Why Moving Is Like Childbirth
~ A Prequel to "The Snow in Maine Falls Mainly on Everything" ~
People tell you that when you have a baby that you’ll forget the pain the next time you have one. I never forget. I vividly remember the realization that a watermelon was making its way through my body and it was going to come out whether I was ready or not. I invite those who have not delivered babies to imagine said watermelon traveling through the body, seeking an exit. Pain is an understatement. more
It's Time to Fly a Flag for the World
Astronauts who see the globe from outer space immediately gain the perspective of the earth as a little ship in the universe, teaming with water and life enough to sustain us all. Down here on the ground, we suffer from the “can’t see the forest for the trees” mentality. more
Cayamo Cruise - Part 3 - On the Ship Again
Who would think that one cruise could provide so much fodder for inspiration, but it did! Dinners were the main place we were really able to share a lot of fun with our fellow cruisers. Every night, after watching the early headline performance from about 6 p.m. to 7:30 p.m., we went to the Pacific Dining room for dinner. more


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